Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
