But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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