On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
