After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
