Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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