This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
