Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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