i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
