Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize