Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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