But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
