I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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