he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
