I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
