That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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