I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's like heaven, but drunker
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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