my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
