Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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