He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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