wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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