she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
