Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
