Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
