Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
