we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
