"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
