Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
