She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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