the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
