I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
