Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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