hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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