It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
