Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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