I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
