Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize