So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
