Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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