Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
