dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
