Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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