it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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