my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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