i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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