he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
