i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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