Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize