you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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