ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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