so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
well you can't waste a boner
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
