worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
