If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
