it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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