My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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