my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
