Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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