Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize