yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
