I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
