An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
