My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
