Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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