I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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