We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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