Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
