Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
