Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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