Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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