how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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