I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
